I Heart Good Men and Rad Dads
January 9, 2009
i heart good men and rad dads
It’s not father’s day, but my new year’s resolution is to stick up for good men and rad dads.
Many women have gotten into bad habits in talking about men. We are quick to call them names, we are quick to disrespect, we are quick to deride.
These bad habits are supported and encouraged by commercials, television shows, and movies.
I refuse to perpetuate the media’s harmful/violent stereotypes of men.
All the men I know are respectful of women. They are marvelously kind. Marvelously helpful. And completely capable.
Men deserve as much celebration, respect, and support as women.
So if you are a woman: go kiss your husband/boyfriend, or give your brother a hug, or tell your best guy-friend he is awesome. And if you have a rad dad: do something nice for him.
And if you are a man: thank you for being born. thank you for all the kind things you do to help women. thank you.
Entry Filed under: fathers, gender, men. Tags: dads, fathers, gender, gender appreciation, good men, harmful stereotypes.
1.
Pearl | January 9, 2009 at 9:20 am
I love it! So, so sweet. I think I’ll go wake up my hubby to give him a big smacker. Men really are such a blessing to this earth. I cannot imagine a world without them – talk about estrogen overload! Balance, order – men and women complement each other. Thank you for reminding me to admire and cherish him/them.
2.
Sarie | January 9, 2009 at 3:19 pm
Wow, SO TRUE. I never hear stuff like this. Thanks for shaping us up!
3.
Amber | January 9, 2009 at 6:55 pm
Amen!!!!
4.
beetlebabee | January 10, 2009 at 4:16 pm
I listened to an audio book last year called “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands” by Dr. Laura S. It was all along these lines and how we add to the destruction of our own families by kowtowing to the societal pressure to degrade men. It’s fashionable, it’s funny, it’s dangerous to our families and future generations who are watching and forming ideas of their identities.
I highly recommend the book.
5.
rubyeliot | January 10, 2009 at 9:32 pm
I love that book. I would also recommend it to anyone.
6.
Therese | January 10, 2009 at 10:39 pm
My hubby is a rad dad. He is a great father of 7 and always willing to lbe the head and guide our children in the right way.
Thanks for this post. I will do something special for my hubby today to show my appreciation for him being a rad dad.
Therese
7.
ruby | January 10, 2009 at 11:07 pm
rad dads usually make rad husbands. thanks for doing your part therese!
8.
Jesurgislac | January 15, 2009 at 4:48 pm
but my new year’s resolution is to stick up for good men and rad dads.
Excellent! So, no more negative comments from you about gay marriage, then? You’re going to stick up for good men and rad dads, and that means supporting their right to get married and celebrating fatherhood not just for straight dads?
…or not?
9.
rubyeliot | January 16, 2009 at 12:09 am
From J.slac continued:
Ahem. Reading back through your blog, Ruby, II find you asserted your new year resolution was to stick up for good men and rad dads. Didn’t last very long, did it – if you’re already dissing the good men who want to marry each other and the rad dads who look after children together.
10.
rubyeliot | January 16, 2009 at 12:21 am
J.slac,
A man who has children and divorces his wife so he can pursue a homosexual relationship is creating uncertainty, instability, and confusion for his children. He is denying his children the right to live with their parents in the same house. He is purposefully creating a situation which denies his children access to their parents (either they are with one parent or the other, rarely with both together). While this man may have lots of good qualities, I would not describe him as a “good” man or a “rad” dad because he is not devoting his life to his children.
If a man’s wife leaves him, but he decides to pursue a gay relationship since now he is “free” anyways. He is furthering the chaos in his childrens’ life. This doesn’t sound rad or good to me.
If a man has a child by surrogate, you can never produce an argument solid enough to convince me that the man has the child’s best interest in mind. Children need a mom and a dad. They deserve a mom and a dad.
Perhaps you have a different definition of a “rad” dad, but I will continue to “diss” men or women who purposefully deny a child access to a parent because of their sexual orientation.
11.
Ruby | January 17, 2009 at 8:30 pm
[Editor's Note: This thread expired for comments, so J.slac posted it on another thread. I fixed the problem and moved it back.]
From Jesurgislac:
“My intention was to celebrate good dads and their importance. We tell men so often that they aren’t important. Fathers are way too often marginalized. I don’t believe in the marginalization of any parent.”
Apart from the gay fathers and lesbian mothers, whom you have consistently tried to marginalize and deny their importance to their children. As do the three Os, on a regular basis.
Now why would you just “forget” that you don’t celebrate good dads and regard them as important …when they’re gay?
12.
rubyeliot | January 17, 2009 at 8:33 pm
J–I didn’t forget (what are you talking about?) There is nothing sinful about having SSA. If a dad is gay, I don’t really care. A dad can be rad no matter his sexual orientation. But I do care if he:
a. splits up his family so he can pursue a gay lifestyle (or another woman)
b. brings a child into this world without being married to the mother.
c. adopts a child without providing that child with an adoptive mother he is also married to.
As a rule, I don’t think single people should adopt. I think children should be placed in homes with a mother and a father. There are exceptions to this view– but I think single-parent adoptions should be rare.
These rules apply to both gay and straight dads.
13.
jesurgislac | January 17, 2009 at 9:14 pm
“My intention was to celebrate good dads and their importance. We tell men so often that they aren’t important. Fathers are way too often marginalized. I don’t believe in the marginalization of any parent.”
Apart from the gay fathers and lesbian mothers, whom you have consistently tried to marginalize and deny their importance to their children. As do the three Os, on a regular basis.
Now why would you just “forget” that you don’t celebrate good dads and regard them as important …when they’re gay?
splits up his family so he can pursue a gay lifestyle (or another woman)
Well, obviously; No man who knows he’s gay ought to marry a woman. That’s just wrong, and the “ex-gay movement” has done nothing but try to drive up the number of failed marriages. Nevertheless, more often in the past, some gay men, convinced that somehow their sexual orientation can or should “change”, have married women. And sometimes, as with Gene Robinson and Isabella McDaniel, the mismatched couple manage to end their relationship in a sensible and grown-up way, without either parent losing touch with their children. (Obviously, it’s more likely that the father will lose touch with his children if his ex-wife is homophobic – but, if he didn’t tell her he was gay when they married, I do see she has valid reason to be mad at him.) For most gay dads in this position, their fatherhood is a painful responsibility. Your dismissal and denigration of them is heartless. (Gene Robinson and Isabella McDaniel, incidentally, divorced for a reason you don’t mention: after 13 years of being married to a gay man, Isabella had met a man she wanted to marry. I agree divorce is hard on children, but it would be wrong to force two people who no longer wish to live together as a married couple to stay together as if in a cage.
brings a child into this world without being married to the mother.
See above. No gay man who knows he’s gay should marry a woman. But, if (as I’ve known happen) a gay male couple and a lesbian couple decide that the male couple willl be the sperm donors and the children will have two mums and two dads, what business is it of any outsider? And why deny marriage to the two dads or to the two mums?
adopts a child without providing that child with an adoptive mother he is also married to.
So you feel it’s better for children to live in care or in a succession of foster homes, than to be adopted by two fathers? How is this not denigrating and marginalizing these fathers?
So you see: you don’t celebrate good dads – if they’re gay. You tell gay men who are fathers that they aren’t important in their children’s lives, once they’re divorced from their mother. You denigrate good fathers, rad dads, and marginalize their contribution. In particular, of course, your assertion that a child is better off in care than with two adoptive dads.
So, no. Your admiration of my dad is very nice, but the fact that had my dad been gay, you’d have denigrated him and refused to celebrate him – because you don’t heart gay dads.
14.
rubyeliot | January 18, 2009 at 9:23 am
J.slac,
we’ve gone over this a million times. you can continue to write really really involved comments which go in circles if you want.
i’ll keep saying the same thing:
Children have a natural and fundamental right to a mom and a dad. rad dads recognize this right and do EVERYTHING in their power to make that kind of situation possible. I don’t care if people are gay. They can still be awesome people. It’s not a crime against humanity to have same-sex attraction.
However, no man or woman has the right to bring a child into this world on purpose without doing their best to provide that child with a mom and a dad married. I can’t have respect for someone who creates that situation on purpose, or actively contributes to its existence. They are not rad people. Rad people put the needs of their children over their own.
So keep trying make me seem like the horrible person. That is fine. Any one who reads this blog with a sane mind sees what you are doing: twisting words and logic to fit your own purposes.
Gay partnerships who deliberatly bring children into this world–marginalize mothers. Lesbians who do the same thing–marginalize fathers. This is not awesome. I’m not marginalizing. I’m criticizing. And I will keep saying this out loud: Anyone (gay or straight) who deliberately and selfishly strips/denies/disregards a child’s right to live with a mom and a dad married–are not being good parents.
Gay and lesbian parents know what they are getting themselves into. They make the choice.